Browsing All Posts filed under »My Twisted Humor«

Osama bin Laden’s famous last words

May 3, 2011

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“Hang on a minute. Someone’s at the door.” “I need protection against Americans like I need a hole in the head.” “Damn it! Why do they always knock whenever I sit down to watch ‘The View’ …” “Anybody else feel a draft?” “I swear, if this is those damned Mormons again …” “Oh I hope […]

A fiction sandwich, with a side of fact

April 13, 2011

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An Independent, a Republican and a Democrat were having lunch one day, discussing their respective tax situations. “I’m getting a fairly hefty refund because of all green technology I installed in my house last year. So I’m thinking of using the refund as a down-payment on a new hybrid car,” the Independent said. “I’m not […]

The GOP Budget strategy revealed!

February 23, 2011

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I’ve figured out what the Republican­s’ budget game plan is!      

10 headlines you will never see

February 4, 2011

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House GOP suggests line-item Congressional and Pentagon accounting House GOP proposes end to Congressional perks House GOP: “Congress should be on Social Security” House GOP to slash defense contracts GOP votes to end all lobbying Republicans admit Fox manipulates news content Birthers confess:’It was all just to cover up our hatred of black people’ GOP […]

Everybody’s got one

January 14, 2011

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It’s just hit me !! My asshole does nothing but spew hot air, gas and shit about 16 hours a day. It spews whatever and whenever it wants, 24/7/365. It visits the doctor once a year for a checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this it pays nothing, and […]

Palin in 2012?

December 7, 2010

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So, the uber right wing masses have changed their ideal presidential candidate preference from “a guy ya wanna have a beer with” to “a bimbo ya wanna have a three-way with.” I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:    “Idiocracy” is a documentary.

Segway company owner dies in freak Segway accident

September 27, 2010

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West Yorkshire police said tycoon Jimi Heselden – owner of the Segway company – died Sunday in a freak accident when he rode one of his firm’s two-wheeled vertical scooters off a cliff and down a long fall to the rocky river bed below, according to British press reports. Witnesses report seeing Heselden chasing a […]

The Entomology of a Breakfast Cereal

September 3, 2010

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or “How to Induce a Sugar Coma in 4 Easy Bowls” Early one spring morning of 1949, a researcher at the Post Cereal Company had an epiphany. After decades of producing dry, bland, hardtack-like brick cereals such as the original “Shredded Wheat” (which was really just old burlap potato sacks that had been baked until […]

Divorce: Tennessee-style

June 1, 2010

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So Al and Tipper Gore are going their separate ways. I wonder who gets the Internet in the custody settlement? Bah-DUMP-bump.

I’ll have a BLT … hold the streptococcus

May 24, 2010

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I heard on NPR this morning heard on NPR this morning that eating at the average corporate work desk has four times more infectious germs than the average toilet seat. The independent study, commissioned by the National Center for Disease Control, says that the ambient germs in the air of an enclosed office environment, concentrated […]