GOP Debate: The highs, the lows, and the winner

Posted on August 11, 2011

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Here’s my take on tonight’s … cough cough … “debate.”

  • Fox needed to show Michele Bachmann trying to walk off-stage with no @ss since she LITERALLY lied it off during the entire “performan­ce.”
  • To Romney: Every answer cannot begin with “Barack Obama …”
  • To Gingrich: Too little, too late. Debating isn’t your campaign’s problem. YOU are your campaign’s problem.
  • To Pawlenty: Oh goodie for you, Timmy. You found the courage to look Romney in the eye and say “Obomneyca­re.” You get an extra squirt of chocolate syrup in your milk tonight.
  • To Santorum: You lived up to your name, as always.
  • To Ron Paul: Stop trying to keep up with these boneheads’ rhetoric. Just say your sh*t, plain and direct. It’s the only time you don’t look like a grumpy curmudgeon­.
  • To Cain: When Godfathers Pizza attains one-millio­nth of the name recognitio­n that Pizza Hut and Dominos has, *THEN* you can claim to be a “master of business and economics.­”
  • To Huntsman: Whether or not you’re “proud of your company” is irrelevant­. The fact remains – and it made you look like a complete idiot and chump – is that out of the 12,000 jobs you claim you created in your company, MORE THAN 10,000 OF THEM ARE IN CHINA AND SINGAPORE! You are LITERALLY the cancer that’s rotting America’s employment base.

Summing up the debate in terms of quality, pertinence­, relevance, honesty & display of actual leadership qualities, I have to say that I really enjoyed the “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” commercial­.

I can say with an almost unequivocal certainty, that the winner of tonight’s Republican Presidential Candidate Debate is … Barack Obama.

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