Michele Bachmann: An inspiration to morons and imbeciles everywhere

Posted on June 27, 2011


Michele Bachmann wants voters to know that she’s not your ordinary politician. In fact, she wants you to know that she channels the spirit of a mass murderer.

During her “formal” announcement speech today that she’s seeking the presidency (I guess the five times that she’s announced since the New Hampshire debate last week have all been “informal”), Bachmann dropped another idiot-bomb of a stature that only a truly clueless imbecile who doesn’t do any fact-checking whatsoever could achieve.

To voters, Bachmann had a very specific and very alarming declaration: “Well what I want them to know is,” Bachmann said, “… that just like John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa, that’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.”

Only trouble is, John Wayne – the actor – wasn’t from Waterloo. He was born as Marion Morrison in Winterset, Iowa, more than 150 miles away, and moved to California in his very early childhood.

But it turns out that Bachmann was partially correct because there *was* a “John Wayne” who lived in Waterloo, Iowa for several years. It was convicted mass murderer John Wayne Gacy, who slaughtered 33 men and boys, born in Chicago, but moved to Waterloo to work in his father-in-law’s chicken restaurants but was soon sentenced to 10 years for after multiple arrests for sodomy. Gacy began his killing spree after his release from prison when he returned to Illinois.

Aside from that little “oops,” Bachmann’s speech was everything we’ve come to expect from a modern teabagger. She laid out the broad themes of her candidacy with no specifics whatsoever of what she would actually do as president or how she would accomplish it. The speech was literally nothing more than yet another series of puffy patriotic-sounding vague and general platitudes, the ever-present fact-devoid fear-mongering and Bachmann’s patented yawn-inspiring anti-Obama rhetoric.

One simple question: Is Michele Bachmann so jaded by being repeatedly awarded the “pants on fire” prize from Politifact.com that she’s simply dead set against hiring fact-checkers?  or is it that she’s just too stupid to think before she opens the gaffe-factory under her nose?

Bachmann’s repeatedly glaring demonstrations of ignorance, her constant misrepresentations of the health care law, blatant statistical lies about Barack Obama’s legislative record, and a multitude of historical inaccuracies that have led to a sixth grader challenging her to a nationally televised Civics debate (which Bachmann refuses to even acknowledge, let alone accept or decline), have justifiably saddled Michele Bachmann with a well-earned reputation for uttering populist jibes that don’t hold up to either facts, common knowledge, or common sense.

Examining 24 of Bachmann’s on-record public statements, Politifact.com, the Pulitzer Prize-winning fact-checking service of the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times, found just one to be fully true and 17 to be false. Seven of Bachmann’s declarations have earned Politifact’s coveted “pants on fire” award. No other Republican candidate whose statements have been vigorously vetted matched Bachmann’s record of consistent inaccuracy.

Take, for instance, Bachmann’s ridiculously inaccurate assertion last month that a NATO airstrike killed as many as 30,000 Libyan civilians. Not only wasn’t it even remotely true, but when corrected on yet another of her displays of stupidity, Bachmann once again tried to shrug it off and joked that she must have “mistakenly been using Obama’s teleprompter.”

And then there is Bachmann’s claim that she has “never gotten a penny” from a family farm that’s been subsidized by the government since its inception.Bachmann claims that “the farm is my father-in-law’s farm. It’s not my husband and my farm. It’s my father-in-law’s farm,” she said. “And my husband and I have never gotten a penny of money from the farm.”

But the facts are that Bachmann’s own personal financial disclosure reports required annually from all members of Congress, detail that she holds an active interest in the family farm in Independence, Wisconsin., with her share worth approximately $250,000. The farm, which was owned by her father-in-law, produced income for Bachmann of at least $32,500 and as much as $105,000 annually from 2006 through 2009, according to the reports she filed for that period. The farm also received federal crop and disaster subsidies, according to a database maintained by the Environmental Working Group. From 1995 through 2010, the farm got $259,332 in federal payments.

When asked about the subsidies and her income from the farm late last year, a spokesman for Bachmann said only that she wasn’t involved in decisions about the running of the farm. Bachmann told The Associated Press on Monday that her husband became a trustee of the farm because his father had dementia before he died two years ago, “and oversees the legal entity.”

“Everything we do with those forms is in an abundance of caution,” she said, insisting she and her husband receive no farm income despite the forms reporting it.

So which lie are you sticking with, Michele: You get no money from the farm or your own financial disclosures are falsified?

And then there is Bachmann’s claim that “as many as 30,000 civilians have been killed in a single air strike in Libya.”

The facts are that the United States ambassador to Libya, Gene Cretz, said in late April that U.S. officials have seen reports that 10,000 to 30,000 people may have died in Moammar Gadhafi’s crackdown on protesters and the fighting between rebels and pro-government forces. He was speaking about all casualties of the conflict; no one has attributed any such death toll to NATO bombing alone, much less to a single strike.

Being a true-born New Englander, my personal Bachmann brain-deadery was when she told a gathering in Lexington, New Hampshire that “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord.”

Most non-retarded fourth-graders know that the “shot heard round the world,” which signalled the Revolutionary War in 1775, was actually fought in Lexington/Concord Massachusetts. But what’s 80 miles and an aberration of one of America’s most critical historical moments to a self-proclaimed “Constitutional scholar” like Bachmann?

I mean, seriously, how can *ANYONE* actually believe this incredulous airhead deserves to be – or would even be capable of being – President of the United States?

  • This is the woman who declared that Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s “Hoot-Smalley” Tariffs were the reason the Great Depression occurred. The tariffs referred to here was actually the Smoot-Hawley bill, co-authored by Republican Senator Reed Smoot of Utah and Republican Representative Willis Hawley of Oregon, and signed into law by President Herbert Hoover.
  • This is the woman who avidly defended one of her fellow idiot-savants – Republican Sue Lowden – who suggested that people should pay for health care by paying their doctor with a chicken as part of a national bartering system.
  • This is the woman who said that the last swine flu outbreak in the U.S. occurred under a Democratic president — even though the last major outbreak of swine flu occurred in 1976, when Republican Gerald Ford was president.
  • This is the woman who warned America that the Disney animated movie “The Lion King” was actually a deep-rooted plot by homosexuals to infiltrate and poison the American education system, and teach children that the core message of the cartoon was, “I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.”
  • This is the woman who insisted that Terri Schiavo, as she laid brain-dead in a coma on total life support was still “effectively healthy.” Bachmann said that, “Yes, she’s brain-dead. But from a health point of view, she was not terminally ill.”
  • This is the woman who said that singer Melissa Etheridge’s being diagnosed with breast cancer was “an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease, being a lesbian.”
  • This is the woman who said that “carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”
  • This is the woman who won’t even acknowledge, let alone accept or decline, a challenge to a nationally televised live American Civics debate issued by a sixth-grade school girl.

Michele Bachmann shouldn’t be trusted to sit the right way up on a toilet seat. The woman’s entire breadth of political, social and historical knowledge can be completely and utterly defeated by eight episodes of “Schoolhouse Rock.”

Michele Bachmann is a stunning example of why a “hire the mentally handicapped” policy shouldn’t be applicable to the most powerful political position in the world.