Political billiards in Arizona

Posted on February 10, 2011

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So … Bristol Palin moves to Maricopa, AZ and coyly hints that she’s “considering a career in politics”  Oh … and the 20-year-old dancing unwed teenage single mother got a $500,000 advance to publish her “memoirs,” too.  Hurry and pre-pay your $39.99 for that literary and educational goldmine now on sarahpac.com!!! (Or wait two months after it’s released and get it at your local dollar store, on the shelf right next to her mother’s two “best-sellers.”)

John McCain will either be dead or committed to a dementia home for the extremely elderly by the 2012 race.

Jon Kyl announced this morning that he’s not seeking re-election.

McCain’s Arizona octogenerian contemporaries vote pure GOP party line, no matter what (mainly because their apple sauce told them to).

Hmmmmm … the reason for the Alaskan Abstinence Princess’s relocation to Arizona is sure starting to take shape, isn’t it?

Because with all it’s immigration, drug cartel, budgetary, agricultural, crime and violence problems, what Arizona *really* needs is a 20-year-old high school C-student and Dancing With The Stars runner-up who wasn’t smart enough to use condoms when she was 16, despite the “strict, staunch Christian family values she’s practiced all her life.”

So, let’s have a look at Bristol’s political qualifications, shall we?

  • Sex scandal?    Check
  • Violation of “Christian values” she claims to not only uphold and cherish, but represent?   Check
  • Utter lack of any advanced collegiate, legal, business, political or skill-specific education?   Check
  • No political, academic or functionally applicable experience whatsoever?   Check
  • Well-versed in Shameless Profiteering & Self-Promotion?   Check
  • Appeals to brain-dead masturbatory rednecks and Glenn beck fans? (Granted, there’s a HUGE overlap there)   Check
  • Shameless hypocrite? Check
  • Has the last name “Palin”?   Check
  • Is not Barack Obama?   Check
  • Is a Republican?   Check

She’s a shoe-in.

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