The *NEW* Preamble to the U.S. Constitution

We, the lobbyists of the United States and financially associated and/or dependent nations and territories, in order to form a more lucrative revenue stream, establish offshore tax shelters, insure domestic contract rights, provide for the executive class, promote the corporate welfare, and secure the blessings of partisan politics to ourselves and our legally appointed heirs and inheritors, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America (excluding those with whom we disagree, have opposing fiscal goals, or refuse to do business with).